Warriors 12 Days of Christmas
by Weird Person Who Lives on Mars
Summary: Ever wonder what a warriors Christmas would be like? Well, wonder no more! Join all four clans as they share their weird and crazy holiday adventures. Will be finished next Christmas. Thanx for waiting!
1. Chapter 1

_On the first day of Christmas, StarClan gave to me, Tigerstar in a tutu!_

Tigerstar's eyes darted back and forth. Fear filled every breath that steamed in the Christmas air. The clan must never know his secret.

Slowly and carefully, the great tom made his way through the swampy murks of ShadowClan territory to the wretched Carrionplace. Scents of rotten flesh and bone made his nose wrinkle in distaste. Flashing another quick glance over his shoulder, Tigerstar darted over to a small, leafless shrub. Twisting his massive body, he wriggled his way under the bush.

The tabby smiled as the miniature space under the shrub, opened up into a vast land, his land.

"Unicornland!" Tigerstar screeched the name as he bounded down the grassy slops, greeting each of his unicorns on by one.

"Hi Sparkle! Hi Lily! Whats up Heart? Looking good Rose. Oh! , is that a new dress?"

**Elsewhere, in the forest...**

"Buttercup, Buttercup", Russetfur mumbled her new warrior name under her breath. For years the rusty she-cat had been trying to think up a better, more "appropriate" name for a ShadowClan warrior. Much to Tigerstar annoyance, she had tried several different names including Horseradish, Fuzzypaws, and just plain Bob.

Suddenly, a chilly breeze ruffled the coat of the ShadowClan warrior. "Buttercup's" head snapped around as she caught scent of Tigerstar headed in the direction of the Carrionplace. Tipping her head, the she-cat shrugged, bounding after her very, very lost leader.

**Back with Tigerstar...**

"Pink fluffy unicorns, dancing on rainbows!" Tigerstar sang, bounding around his magical land. A pink fuzzy tutu swirled around his haunches, shimmering in the light. With another surge of energy, the tabby sprang through the air, preparing to land behind a tree. Before he could though, a high pitch squeal of fear sounded, then was silenced by the dull thud of Tigerstar's rear landing on flesh.

Groaning in protest, two terrified balls of fur scrambled out from under the mound of fur.

"It was horrible, awful! I could never begin to explain the horrors I saw!" Screeched a ginger tom, cowering in fright.

"You need to lose some weight bowling ball butt", complained a grey apprentice.

A low growl rose in Tigerstar's throat. "Rowanpaw! Cedarpaw! What are you doing here?"

Cedarpaw ruffled his ashy coat. "Videotaping you". He held out a camera.

Tigerstar swung his paw at the device, but Cedarpaw was quicker. The tom tucked it under his coat, shaking a finger. "Uh-uh-uh! You work for us now, or else this will be all over the warriors wiki!"

The colour drained from Tigerstar's face. "You wouldn't dare!"

"Try me".

**Back with "Buttercup"...**

The ginger warrior padded through the leafy forest. Tall pines towered above her on either side as voles and mice skidded around her feet.

"I must be getting close", the warrior murmured to herself, stopping to rest. Her claws flexed in and out on the sandy hollow as she stared at the sunny rocks.

"Yah know", she mumbled to a passing mouse, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say I was in ThunderClan territory".

**At the ShadowClan camp...**

Christmas light plastered the dens as paper snowflakes fluttered about around the nursery. All the usually emo cats milled about in Santa hats, singing carols and sharing tongues. Yes, It was a happy camp. Everyone seemed content and merry. Everyone that is, except for Tigerstar.

The ShadowClan leader slouched in his den, listening to the endless demands Cedarpaw and Rowanpaw had.

"And we want to become warriors at tomorrows ceremony!" Announced Rowanpaw.

Cedarpaw nodded, "And we want extra fresh kill!"

"And more rocks!" Exclaimed Rowanpaw.

Tigerstar and Cedarpaw turned to stare at the young apprentice.

"Well you can never have to many rocks", mumbled Rowanpaw.

Cedarpaw shook his head, then preceded. "So Tigerstar old buddy, old pal, what about it?"

The great warrior turned to glare at the young apprentices. "No!"

Rowanpaw shrugged. "Well, I guess this might only get about 300,000,000 views, so yah, it doesn't really matter if we put this-"

But the young apprentice didn't even get to finish, for Tigerstar had already called a meeting, the babble of his words a steady bur as he bolted through the ceremony".

**Now, back to "Buttercup"...**

"So, then, I slapped him! And he was all like crying, and I was all like "haha", and he was all like "why you laughing?" and I was all like "your face" and he was all like "I don't get it" and I was all like "I know", so I slapped him and then he shut-up".

Buttercup paused in her story, glancing at the strange looking creature she had met. Long shiny feathers coated his black and white body as two webbed feet stuck out from below.

The ginger cat sighed, glancing at the barren landscape of snowy white. "I keep having this odd sensation that I'm not in the forest anymore".

**At ShadowClan camp...**

Tigerstar mumbled some nasty words under his breath as he hauled a truck-load of horrid moss from the elders den. He had already collected enough fresh kill for the apprentices to feed all four clans, as well as doing all of their chores, and made them warriors. If he could get his hands on them!

Suddenly, he heard the two warriors names being called. "Rowanclaw, Cedarheart!" Littlecloud bounded up to them. "Can I have my camera back now?"

Rowanpaw shrugged, yanking the camera from his fluff. "Here".

"Thanks". Littlecloud grinned. "I don't know why you guys wanted it. The thing doesn't even work".

Tigerstar dropped the bedding he had been holding, his voice rippling across the clearing. "IT DOESN'T EVEN WORK!"

Rowanclaw and Cedarheart took off, Tigerstar hot on their tails.

Suddenly, the bushes on the other side of the clearing quivered and out popped a dusty she-cat laden with mud and sticks.

"Tigerstar, thank goodness I found you! It's me! Buttercup!" The she-cat bounded towards her leader, arms outstretched.

The leader's eyes widen as he took off in the direction of Carrionplace, followed by "Buttercup", Rowanpaw, Cedarpaw, as well as half the clan and a penguin that "Buttercup" had brought home.

All in all, it had been a very weird 1st day of Christmas, especially with Tigerstar in his tutu.

_Hope you enjoyed it. Chapters will be posted daily, as well the final chapter on Christmas day! Please R&R!_

_~Weird Person Who Lives On Mars_


	2. Chapter 2

_On the second day of Christmas, StarClan gave to me, two angry santa's, and Tigerstar in a tutu!_

Excitement pounded through Graystripes veins as he rushed around, shoving decorations ever which way. This was going to be the best Christmas EVER!

"Graystripe?"

The grey warrior whorled around, pointing his candy cane at the mystery cat! Two familiar green eyes stared back at him. "Firestar? What are you doing here?"

The ThunderClan leader narrowed his eyes. "I live here. And, how do you intend to inflict serous pain or otherwise defend yourself with this candy cane?"

Graystripe shrugged, slamming the deadly candy down on Firestar's head.

"Ops", Graystripe muttered, glancing quickly around, then dragged the unconscious cat away.

The young warrior paced feverishly around the leader's den, eyeing Firestar nervously. If the clan found out what he did! Suddenly, Graystripe's head snapped up as he spotted the kitchen, good for two things.

kitchen held held the second most glorious thing in Graystripe's life, next to snicker doodles. Food!

were some great places one could hide a certain flam-pelted leader which may or may not have been accidentally taken out by a candy cane welded by a possibly grey warrior who is really rather sorry and wishes not to die. Just as an example!

**A few minutes later...**

This was not working. Graystripe had shoved Firestar into every possible nook and cranny he could think of! The fridge was too cold, the microwave was too hot, the stove was too obvious, the counter even more so, and for some strange reason he wouldn't fit in the toaster!

"Firestar! I'm home!"

Graystripe shot into action, shoving Firestar into the TV and chucking himself into the cookie jar (go figure).

Sandstorm entered the house, her hands full of shopping bags for the holidays. "Firestar?" She called again, shaking her head in distaste. The tom was never around when you needed him! Slowly, the she-cat started to unload the grocery, bringing out ingredients for a delicious cookie recipe!

**Sometime later, when the cookies are ready...**

The she-cat gracefully unscrewed the lid on the cookie jar, then screamed as two yellow eyes stared back at her.

"Graystripe? What in StarClan's name are you doing in there?"

"I was looking for my pet..." The gray warrior's eyes darted around, then rested on something. "Potato! That's it! I was looking for my pet potato! Come here Spuddy! Come to papa!" Graystripe seize the potato, then streaked off!

When Graystripe reached the warrior's den, a thought struck him. Firestar was suppose to be this years Santa Paws! But, with him out of action, who would fill in for him?

"You could". Graystripe froze, then slowly turned, meeting the dull eyes of Jayfeather.

"What do you mean?"

The medicine cat sighed. "You must be Santa Paws. It is the destiny StarClan has chosen for you."

"Really?" Graystripe whispered.

"Nah. Dude, I just like saying it! It sounds, like, so cool. But seriously bro, you should be Santa Paws!"

"I guess I should. I owe Firestar that much. Thanks Jayfeather".

"You the man Stripes! Yo better get your $*%#* in gear because I'll BTB when you get some OMG's! Word!"

"I did not understand a word of that!" Graystripe cried cheerfully, trotting away.

**At the leader's den...**

Knock, knock, knock!

"Yes?" Sandstorm popped her head out the door, then smiled as she spotted Graystripe, inviting him in.

"Graystripe! Thank goodness! I need your help! I can't get this mouse brained TV to work. It's all orange and keeps making that annoying snoring sound Firestar makes!"

The grey warrior laughed nervously, claiming to have no idea what was wrong.

"But Sandstorm", he continued, "Where are all the presents for the clan, the ones Firestar's supposed to bring as Santa Paws?"

"Oh, in the back room", Sandstorm replied, inspecting the TV.

**Now, let us check on all the young little kits and apprentices...**

Squirrelflight nudged a small tabby apprentice, gently guiding him towards the clearing were dozens of younglings gathered around a brilliant Christmas tree.

"I sure hope father remembered he's Santa Paws this year", Leafpool murmured to her sister. The two cats gazed dreamily at the sining lights. It seemed as if all the magic of StarClan was in the ThunderClan camp.

Suddenly, a "Ho, ho ho!" was heard from the direction of the camp entrance. The kits all screamed with excitement, bounding over to Santa Paws, his grey fur aglow. Wait! Grey fur?

Leafpool leaned over to whisper in Suirrelflight's ear, "Why is Graystripe dressed up as Santa Paws?"

"I have no idea, and frankly, I'm not sure I want to."

"Well, at least things can't get any worse."

"Wanna bet?"

**Back at Firestar's den...**

With a low moan, Firestar's eyes fluttered open. With a jolt, he heard a clock strike once, twice, twelve times! Midnight. He was suppose to be this years Santa! The fiery warrior shot out of the TV, bowling over his terrified wife! Then, grabbing several red garments and a sack, he bolted out the door and into the clearing were he saw...ANOTHER SANTA PAWS!

"IMPOSTER!" Firestar howled, igniting his candy cane lighsaber. The imposter was just as fast to counter with his own candy weapon. There was a fierce battle in which Firestar was pinned to the ground.

"Firestar!", the enemy breathed, the red fluff of his collar making his voice deep and disoriented, "I am your father!"

Firestar's eyes grew wide. "Nooooooooooo- Wait? Your my father? Daddy!" The flame-pelted warrior flung himself at the other santa.

Suddenly, a familiar sent tickled Firestar's nose. "Graystripe?"

The grey warrior nodded.

"You know I'm going to kill you, right?"

"Can I get a head start?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"NO!" Firestar screamed.

"To bad!" Graystripe swatted Firestar away, then took off, a very angry Santa Paws chasing after.

_I am soooo sorry for not updating! Christmas came so quick, and the internet wasn't working, then the power went out! : ( Though I will continue to post throughout Christmas holidays. Sorry for the wait._

_Thanx to all my wonderful reviewers!_

_~Weird Person Who Lives on Mars_


	3. Chapter 3

_On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three rabid Christmas squirrels (yes Gentleheart, this ones for you)!_

_Two angry Santas!_

_And Tigerstar in a tutu!_

Kestrelpaw stumbled blindly through the thick gorse to the moon pool. His thoughts were joyous, yet sullom as he wondered what his aged mentor had in store. The flash of a dusty pelt attracted the young apprentices eyes as he spotted Barkface.

"What are you doing?" The young cat dipped his head respectfully.

"Watching one of natures most glorious sights", Barkface replied with a grin.

Kestrelpaw followed his gaze. "A rock?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes", the old cat sighed, "but what I really to show you is this." Without warning, mentor disappeared into the bushes, leaving the apprentice to scamper madly after.

A few minutes later, the pair stopped at the edge of a small cliff near the ThunderClan boarder. Several red and green dots littered the snowy meadow.

"Please tell me those aren't festive rocks", Kestrelpaw groaned.

"Close", Barkface purred, "They are Christmas squirrels!"

"Christmas squirrels?"

"Christmas squirrels."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Like, real-"

"CAN WE JUST STOP WITH THE REPEATING!" Barkface screamed. "Yes, they are Christmas squirrels."

Kestrelpaw looked puzzled. "Why need I worry?"

"Because, it's your job to collect them for Christmas dinner!" Barkface grinned.

"Why me?"

"Because it's the medicine cats job to collect them! That's the whole reason I took you on as my apprentice! So I didn't have to do it!"

"I have to catch 'Christmas' squirrels?"

"Yes. And they may or may not possibly be rather rabid though I'm not totally sure, but try not to get bit! See-yah sucker!" With that, Barkface took off with incredible speed for an old geaser, leaving Kestrelpaw alone.

The young apprentice sighed and slowly turned to look at the hundreds of grazing squirrels. How hard could it be?

**WARNING!These stunts are preformed by professionals trained in 30 seconds. Please to not try these at home...or the beach, ocean, or mountains, thought you may try these on the moon if you have a goat. Viewer disinfection is advised...or is it discretion? What that mean anyway?**

**Take 1: The Chase!**

"What the hey?" Kestrelpaw thought. "How fast can they be?"

**Two hours later...**

"I'm in WindClan, I'm in WindClan! Rabid Christmas squirrels got nothing' on me! I can run, I can run, I'm a blur, you can't see me! Annnnnd I'm gonna puke", Kestrelpaw gasped, collapsing on the ground. Several Rabid Christmas squirrels chattered happily just out of reach.

So much for that plan.

**Take 2: The Sneak Attack!**

Kestrelpaw stood silently behind a tree, tail lashing side to side. A flash of red caught his eye as a Rabid Christmas squirrel scuttled past. Like a snake, the grey apprentice's paws shot out, seizing the Rabid Christmas squirrel as it chattered out a sentence that sounded vaguely familiar to Jingle Bells. If Jingle Bells could be sang by a half dead rabid Christmas squirrel, but who's keeping track?

Suddenly, a bombardment of nuts hailed from the great oak above Kestrelpaw's head. The apprentice released the rabid Christmas squirrel as it gagged out a possible Silent Night carol.

That plan went out the window!

**Take 3: The Camouflager!**

Okay. So dressing up like a giant mutant female rabid Christmas squirrel may have not been the best idea. Several drooling **RABID** Christmas squirrels chasing after you. Yah, it doesn't work.

Big time new plan!

**Take 15: Net Anyone?**

Yah. Guess how that worked out. Running madly around, bashing a net like some bloody...well what bashes a net?

Next!

**Take 37: The Screamer?**

Well, while your at it, just freakin' scream at the suckers. Maybe they'll come.

Yah right!

**Take 245: The Surrender...**

The agitated cat collapsed onto the chilly earth, exhausted. Not knowing what else to do, Kestrelpaw pulled out his MP3 player and scrolled through the lists, selecting "I'm a Nut".

"I'm an acorn small and round, lying on the cold cold ground", the music screeched. Suddenly, the meadow grew quiet as all the rabid Christmas squirrels seemed to go in a trance!

"People walk all over me!" Kestrelpaw opened his rabid Christmas squirrel sack.

"That why I've got a crack you see!" The rabid Christmas squirrels stumbled into the bag.

MISSION ACOMPLISHED!

**A few hours later...**

Kestrelpaw returned to camp, bag in hand. The young apprentice was just about to break the news to his mentor, when a glimmer of metal caught his eyes. The young apprentice pushed aside some gorse, revealing several red and green spray paint cans!

Suddenly, the smell of a familiar scent wafted up Kestrelpaw's nostrils. He dove behind a shrub just as Harespring and Weaselfur pushed past.

"I can't believe Kestrelpaw fell for it! Christmas squirrels! Hah", Harespring snorted.

"Yah, he's such a twerp", Weaselfur added as the two entered camp.

Slowly, an idea formed in Kestrelpaw's mind. An evil idea, but hey! Kestrels are evil (don't ask) !

**On Christmas morning...**

Whitetail dashed to her stocking, excitement throbbing through her. What did Santa Paws bring this time? The she-cat slowly parted the lip, then let lose a man scream (which by the way, is very hi pitched)!

All around the camp, similar things were happening as squirrels rockets out of stockings, latching on to cats heads. Onestar himself was racing around, smacking constantly into other cats till he no longer had only one star over his head!

**A ways away...**

Kestrelpaw lay back, listening to the sweet sound to those who fall victim of the rabid Christmas stocking squirrels!

**Pleaz review! I got no reviews on the second chapter. Does anyone care?**

**Thanx Gentleheart for the great idea! Beware the rabid Christmas squirrels! They are EVIL!**

**Yes, I'm perfectly sane!**


	4. Will be continued next Christmas!

_For those of you that haven't clued in, this story is closed for summer, and will be continued next Christmas, and maybe the one after that, I'm bad at updating. Thanx for reviewing!_

~Weird Person Who Lives on Mars


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